Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Randomize
