so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize
