I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
