he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
