Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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