I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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