The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
im drinking this country out of the recession.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
