new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
