i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
