You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Randomize
