Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize