btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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