I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
