one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
