you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
