You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
