Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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