i think my mom watched the whole time
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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