Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Randomize
