I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
