I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
