Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
