i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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