Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize