i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
