I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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