She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My vagina is officially offended.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
