I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
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