i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
