i already hear my dad disowning me
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
