I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Success! We fucked roommates!
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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