Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
Randomize
