she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
