I didn't shave. On purpose
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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