i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
