i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
well, you know. whores of a feather.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
