I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
