The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
