So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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