Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
