how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
