why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am naked and annoyed.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
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