those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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