Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
