At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
