she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
