You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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