Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I still have a little drunk in my system
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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