That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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