If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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