No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
