we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
