Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Randomize
