you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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