A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize