tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
