You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
