That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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