i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
