Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Randomize
