My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize