I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She's the barista slut.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Randomize
