There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
