when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
You took a bar mat shot.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
