dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
