honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
