Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
