how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
The air was thick with penises
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
