you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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