4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she smelled like a LAN party
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Randomize