I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
