Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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