Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
