...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
