is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
what day is it and did you see me today?
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
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