at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
What changed your mind?
Being sober
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Randomize
