dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
