he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
