The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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