pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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