I'm lost and stupid without you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Randomize
