I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
