let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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