i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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