Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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