you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's rum buckets o'clock
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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