Moan for me like Helen Keller
Banned from zoo.
Again?
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
