Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
