i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
