I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
